MY EYEBROWS ARE JUST NEIGHBORS

My friend is an upcoming makeup artist, she does most of my make-up for me, one thing she always says is “your brows are sisters and not twins”, almost every lady who does her brows would realize that they are not exactly shaped but they are very similar, but mine is unusual, in 2012 I had five major surgeries right next to my right eye, hence my right brow is way higher than that on the left, during the surgery a bone was accidentally broken now it’s nothing major the only implication is there’s a widened gap between my eyes, each time i have people put on makeup for me, they complain about how my brows are on unequal planes. Now while this shouldn’t even be an issue it used to be. I tried to learn how to contour because i didn’t want the space between my eyes apparent, which is a problem because I couldn’t have the time to contour every day. I started to feel inferior I started to feel like a ugly little lady, there was this guy i was in love with at a point, when he started to date some other chic after seemingly leading me on, i figured it was because i was ugly.

My health is another place i battle, i had an attack once in a public place, and oh my God i wished i simply died, I was so ashamed to come out the next day. These are little things that have brewed insecurity in me, my past also I keep having this feeling that no one can love me or want me.

                But you see insecurity is messy, I’ve spent time dating people who i shouldn’t even have lunch with because i was insecure “no one would want me, so I’d just live with whoever says they could manage me” i was like a little dog, lapping up compliments thrown my way rudely “pretty bitch”  and i’d be smiling sheepishly, i needed people to tell me i was good enough, but the issue is once was never enough, i needed them to tell me always, but hey who’s got that much time on their hand insecurity messed me up pretty much.

                It took God and a couple stuff to find myself again, first i had to find who i was, you see i wasn’t created by myself and i do not know why and how i was created and so i cannot be handled or used right until these are established so i had to know my maker first, know what he had in mind when he made me, know what he thinks of me, psalm 139 has been everything for me in this area, it says i am fearfully and wonderfully made, i’m Gods wok and his works are marvellous, nothing about me was hidden from God, meaning  even the illness that seemingly altered my facial features he knew about it before it happened.

                But knowing this wasn’t everything, believing it was more, holding on to it was important, so I had to diverse means to keep myself reminded of that truth, so i started writing, I’d  write letters to remind  myself of these truths, I’d save inspirational quotes on my phone and go back  to them when i  was feeling down. I wrote letters to myself, lengthy letters about how amazing and incredible i was and read them always. Gradually i found strength to dare stuff. 

                Finally i had to learn to be enough, to encourage myself, not to wait for anyone to say nice things to me, i also said nice things to people, reminding them of how amazing they were. My insecure eyes learnt to see people who were inferior and show love to them, i also prayed for the insecure ones.

                It was like magic but as i started to see myself as beautiful  every other person seemed to see same, everyone wanted to be friends with me, everyone seemed to notice i had pretty eyes, everyone else seemed to see i had lovely lips, learning to see myself right seemed to help others see me right too, but more than that it gave me strength to say no to unnecessary, strength sapping relationships, as i started to pray for insecure people and ask God to help them find their security in him, i found my security in God too. My brows are still neighbours but it seems less obvious, i still have a scar and the space between my eyes is still there but i don’t seem to see it again. Everyday i look in the mirror i see beauty beyond description.  Your brows maybe sister’s even twins, but whatever it is that keeps you feeling insecure is not of God and i know what insecurity can do, it can do terrible things, know who you are in God (read psalm 139), hold on to who you are in God, learn to be enough, encourage yourself. Remember God is more than enough for you.

Love,

Opeyemi (the unspoken woman)