THE UNSPOKEN CHRONICLES 3: OPEYEMI SPEAKS UP

One afternoon I was watching porn, halfway through I started to cough, I’d like to mention here that I’m and asthmatic patient hence coughing is almost always a sign of something worse and before I knew it I was gasping, loosing breath, there was no one home with me and more than anything I knew I’d die that day but I wasn’t scared of dying as I was scared that I’d go to hell when I die. Now let me share something about the asthma, I wasn’t born asthmatic  but as some point when I couldn’t care about anything, my sin wasn’t even a burden, I mean if I was in sin my life should have been a mess asthma came in not just asthma plus sinusitis I had to be operated on 5 times. No God didn’t inflict me with asthma in order to bring me back to him; on the contrary he worked through the asthma to help me find my purpose in him. That afternoon I knew what I had to do, I had to speak up. Speaking up started with the murder of my pride finding a confidant and being completely honest. I wasn’t immediate but gradually, slowly overtime porn became less and less constant in my life. You see don’t think I don’t struggle once in a while, I have to turn off my phone sometimes because I’m scared I’d fall.



However September this year I met this doctor I’d call him Dr. Rocky. I took my sister to the hospital one morning  because she was having s very severe stomach ache, while at the hospital my sister had to go in for a test hence I was left alone with him, he started out chatting with me like I was his daughter, he made jokes and all and I got really comfortable he even started giving advice on guys and relationship and everything, suddenly he stood up and came close to me, he started out by putting his hand into my dress and touching my breasts ever so slightly but gradually things even became worse, maybe it was shock maybe I didn’t know what was happening, I can’t even explain what went wrong that day, I mean after being abused as a child I’d imagined the next time someone would every try such with me, I’d hit them hard or something, but there I was silent and unable to move, my sister came back in and it was over immediately, I wanted to speak up, I wanted to do something but I was too shocked I simply stood up and took my sister back home, I simply told myself nothing ever happened. Only the next morning I woke up and suddenly I felt the weight of what had happened to me the day before, I had been molested once again, and the reality was too much for me to bear. I promised myself never to go back to that hospital but a few days later I had an attack and since that was the closest hospital to the house I was rushed there, he treated me and placed me on a temporary admission when those who brought me went out for a while I was left with just my brother, he came in again sent my brother out and for the second time he molested me, now you’re probably wondering why I didn’t shout right? I’d share that in my next post. About two weeks later I had to return for a check-up, I insisted my mom went with me, she did but didn’t see the need to accompany me into the doctor’s off hence she sat in the waiting room, we went into his office and since I was feeling a lot stronger I figured I could fight if he tried anything funny lol how wrong I was, he overpowered me and for the third time he molested me. I only told my mom I was never going back there and that he was a nasty person.



 I was mad at God, I had spent time trying to recover from what was done to me as a child and now when I was seemingly fully healed he allowed this to happen, what kind of “good God” does such, does he just sit and have a good time in heaven while I battle with so much here? What wrong had I done that evil seemed to be my constant companion, how would my Christian life even be productive when its forever spent fighting battles, what was wrong with me, was I merely created to be a spectator watching others find joy in life while I forever live in pain, why is my life well so different. I know better now, you see I’m very different, my touch of pain has rendered my wild nature a lot of serenity, my battle has taught me to pull out strength in times when I didn’t think I had any strength again, my pain has taught me to depend on God even when I can’t see the sense in what he’s doing because he’s an intentional God, all things that have happened in my life hasn’t been for my ruin, it’s all worked and is still working for my own good, contrary to expectation I’m not broken I’m becoming, the things that came into my life to drown me taught me how to swim, the storm taught me to hold on to my anchor (God). More than everything I’ve learnt to trust God to just lean on God, I don’t understand why it had to be me but I’m thankful for the privilege. Someone once told me that people who face the greatest battles are the ones God trusts, he trusted Job and allowed the devil test him, I’m honored that God trusts me enough to allow me get tried so much. I don’t know what my future holds but I know that even though he slays me I’d still praise him. I have found my voice through my pain. My pain birthed unspoken for people like myself to speak up, for people to know they aren’t really alone, Jesus is with us and yeah there’s a lot of other people.


Love,
Opeyemi(the unspoken woman