THE UNSPOKEN CHRONICLES 1: OPEYEMI SPEAKS UP!

I was about four when we moved from Lagos to Abuja, dad had been on a kind of permanent transfer to Abuja while my sister and I stayed back in Lagos with mom but after almost several years I guess there was every need for us to move to Abuja, hence August 2000 we finally relocated to Abuja. Daddy worked at the federal ministry at the time so we moved into a little estate, everyone who lived in that estate worked in the same place we were more like a family, when one parent wasn’t around there was little to worry about, there was the assurance that your  child would be cared for, fed and everything. Right next door to us lived one of the most beautiful ladies I knew at the time I’d like to refer to her as Mrs. O.  Mrs. O had no kids of her own and for some reason she took a liking to little me, she’ll take walks with me and when I was on holiday most morning I’ll walk her to the gate.  Right by the gate was a shop she’ll take me there and buy stuff for me especially cheese balls; it was on one of those days she took me there he saw me. For the purpose of this story I’ll call him uncle A. I knew uncle A to an extent at least he attended the same church as I and lived in the estate too. When I became a frequent guest in the shop he started to get close to me, sometimes he'd walk me home. Time went and my parents knew him and he became quite close to the family more like an older brother to me.

In 2001 Mrs. O moved away from the estate and I really did miss her. I was outside one afternoon when uncle A came by, he asked me if I’d like to take cheese balls funny thing is he asked the way Mrs. O usually said it, my mom always told me never to collect things from strangers or to go out with people I didn’t know and if I had to go out with anyone we knew I should ensure she knew, now thinking about it I wished I had told her, but I figured he was a church member and there was no harm it was just the shop by the gate we would be going to and I’d gone there severally with Mrs. O with mommy’s permission so she won’t be mad plus I’ll show her the cheese balls before I would eat it so I said I’d eat cheese balls, uncle A responded by saying he’d give me cheese balls if I played with him, I had no Idea why a grown man would want to play with me but what could be wrong in him playing with me so I said yes, uncle A took me to his house and had lay on his bed and asked that I lay on him, and there in the heat of the afternoon with my mother a few blocks away I was molested in the bed of a neighbor, I left his house without the cheese balls he’d promised, I left there totally confused but something had been awoken in me, I was confused but I know it felt good all the same. I knew it had to be wrong because he had to hide to do it, after that day a strange curiosity for “the feeling” (feelings of pleasure) I had on that day came. That singular act led me into a world of sexual promiscuity. I never spoke about it to anyone because I didn’t know how to, few years after I was molested we started sex education at school (a little too late for me), It was then I understood what was done to me. But I had already learned the unspoken rule of my society, the rule of silence when it comes to uncomfortable subjects like sex and abuse, so I never spoke about it, I saw him at church severally praying and speaking in tongues and I felt hate rise in me, what kind of God would allow him do that to me and still watch him pray to him? Was God pleased with him? gradually I started to believe it was my fault and maybe I was only good for sex. Before i knew it i was having sexual relationships with several other people in fact I became a sex addict, porn, masturbation and several other sexual perversions (I’ll write on them subsequently).

Almost 13 years later I became ill and when the doctors kept trying and I wasn’t better I knew my illness had a lot of emotional attachment than physical and if I wanted to be healed physically I had to heal my mind first, my mind was home to every sexual filth and perversion, I had to go back to the start, the point my life took its ugly twist. I was fixing myself up pretty good until day I checked face book and found out that uncle A was married and even had a daughter. I almost died from shock. My life had been turned downside up because of what he did to me and here he was living okay even married with a beautiful daughter. I figured I could confront him, I brought the issue up and he totally denied it, I was hurt. I had expected him to be remorseful and apologize so I’ll forgive him but there he was denying everything, reminded me that he was like an older brother to me, he offered to come and visit my family. I was hurt, I was bitter, I was mad as hell, I cried. I told God how I felt, I wrote in my journal about it I asked God to help me, because I was never going to get past my sexual addictions if I didn’t let go of uncle A. I always told myself I was never going to tell whoever I was going to get married to because I didn’t feel he’d still love me if he knew where I’d come from. I didn’t speak about it but every time I saw someone hurting from abuse I wished I could share but I never did. Now I know better I couldn’t talk because I was still bound, I had to speak up to be free and that is what I'm doing right now . Uncle A may never apologize to me and I’m at peace with that he was a child of perdition and he didn’t know any better, I'll speak up so he can't hold me down, I'll speak up so. I'd never have to fear if someone would love me if they knew about it because it would already be out there.  I know that the most important reason for my life is to be Gods daughter and all I have to go through are simply road blocks trying to keep me from being Gods own. 


Love,
Opeyemi (the unspoken woman)